October

This marks the start of my second month on HRT. Last month, I realized dosing might be an issue for me. I’ve always been terrible at tracking anything consistently (I’m the queen of claiming I see a pattern but having zero proof). So now, I’m documenting everything to actually see what’s going on. Still need a better system, though. LOL. Anyway—here’s how October shaped up:

Week #1:

I started taking progesterone at night before bed this week. Of course, I didn’t write down how my sleep went (classic me), but I did note that I had the shits. Lovely. My guess? The flu shot I got for work. Once again, not a scientist.

The weekend rolls around, and after what I can only describe as “shitting my brains out,” my colon decided to flip the switch to constipation. My super bipolar colon is literally an asshole. So, a week of no pooping meant:

• Tiredness

• Moodiness

• Back to that blah “fuck it” feeling

Oh, and night sweats made a comeback. Probably all the toxic waste in me combusting.

By Friday, I was done. I loaded up on laxatives—red pills, magnesium, Miralax. The whole buffet. And let me tell you, I shit my fucking brains out. Dropped almost 10 pounds. Not kidding.

This was also the first weekend I tried doubling my HRT dosage because I had two 16-hour shifts back-to-back. (The HRT only seems to last about 8 hours for me.) Sleep? Nonexistent that weekend, but even after getting back to a normal-ish schedule, my sleep was still broken. I’d wake up, but at least I could go back to sleep. Small wins.

Week #2-3:

By Week #3, yeppers, the cravings and phantom period shit came back. If you know, you know. All the PMS symptoms—bloating, mood swings, weird food cravings (meat and spicy stuff, obviously)—but no actual period. It’s a thing.

I powered through another long work weekend with double doses of HRT, and honestly, it seemed to work well. I think I’m onto something with this.

Week #4:

Sleep? Amazing. Like, finally. And on the 30th, I had my OB/GYN appointment.

While my doctor wasn’t thrilled about me doubling up on the HRT dose, we agreed I’ll keep trying it for a while. If it works, it works.

Now, let’s talk about my vagina. Quick recap: I’ve had five kids. That alone comes with all sorts of fun aftereffects. But if there’s something out there to screw me over, I’ll find it.

Around the time of my phantom cycle, it literally feels like my uterus is falling out. And yes, I’ve lived on a farm, so I know what a prolapsed uterus looks like on a cow (and if you don't, go ahead and Google that shit), and hell no, that’s not the vibe I’m going for.

At my last visit, the issue wasn’t obvious, so my doctor couldn’t confirm anything. But this time, it was there. She checked and was like, “Yep, I see it.” Finally! So now I’m being referred to another specialist for a consult. Yay me.

Side Notes

• Right Hip Pain: My left hip was replaced two years ago, and now my right hip feels eerily similar. Not loving this.

• Red Light Therapy: Still relaxing, but I’ve been inconsistent. Definitely need to get back on track with it.

• High-Frequency Treatments: Oh, where to begin? High-frequency is amazing for zapping pimples or hormonal bumps, but I totally screwed myself by using a glycolic peel. Holy shitballs. My face was either peeling, reacting, or purging, and nothing helped except time. I stopped high-frequency altogether. My whole right cheek turned into a colony of cystic acne-looking bumps. Sexy, right? Nope. My son’s friend even asked if someone punched me. FFS.

So that’s October in a nutshell. Let’s see what next month brings!